I’ve decided that I’m changing my phone number, and I’m only giving my new number to people who like texts and email. If you have ever called me, I’ve made note of that, and you will probably not get my new number.

I decided this after getting off the phone with someone who had called me to answer a couple of questions. I emailed him yesterday with those questions. Rather than email me back, he called me. After he answered my questions, he said “I’ll email you what I just told you so that you can have this info in writing.” And so I straight up asked him “Why didn’t you just email me the answers in the first place, then, instead of wasting your time and mine?” He just kind of laughed it off. I wasn’t laughing.

I propose we ban the majority of phone calls. Are you with me?

This is what I look like when someone calls me.

I understand that there are plenty of valid reasons why people must use the telephone. Here are some of the times when I think a phone call is a good thing:

• The number you are dialing is 911.
• You see my house on fire and you need to tell me to get out.
• We have scheduled a phone call. I do scheduled phone calls for work all the time, and they’re perfectly fine and sometimes even necessary. The keyword here is SCHEDULED.
• A person you are trying to impress/get money from has let you know that phone calls are their preferred method of communication.
• You are one of the few people in my life (family and close friends) who I actually care to hear, because I enjoy your voice, its nuances, and its emotions.

Yep, can’t think of any other good reasons for a phone call right now.

Here’s why phone calls suck:

• They interrupt. Bottom line, when you pick up the phone to call someone, you are (most likely incorrectly) assuming that you are the most important thing in their life at that second. They can’t possibly be doing anything better than talking to you, like preparing dinner or working or, heaven forbid, using the toilet. Nope, YOU are so important that you have the right to interrupt their activities. Again, that’s fine if you’ve just cut off your arm — you are very important to the 911 operator at that moment. Otherwise, your story about Junior’s tee ball game just isn’t that big of a deal.
• They are inefficient. Speech is full of “uhs” and “ahs” and “likes” and inane pleasantries that waste time. Writing is usually much more direct and to the point. (If you are one of those people who feels you don’t come across well in writing, then take a writing course.)
• They do not leave a record. As with the phone call I mentioned earlier, I needed a record of the answers the guy gave me in case I forgot something. Many times we need to refer back to conversations. This isn’t possible when we’ve only talked on the phone.
• They are the realm of annoying people. You know who likes to make phone calls? Sales people and account executives. They are forever calling just to “touch base” or “see if I need anything.” You know what? Don’t call me, I’ll call you. I know how to reach you. You’ve given me your office phone, cell phone, home phone, email address and fax number a hundred times. If by any chance I DO need you, I can find you. You know who else makes phone calls? Telemarketers and debt collectors. No explanation necessary. So if you want to be lumped in with THAT crowd, feel free to call me.
• They are an old technology. People once sent smoke signals and telegrams. Not anymore, because they are outdated, unsophisticated forms of communication. With the advent of email and text messaging and direct messages, online chatting and tweets, telephones are fast becoming just as irrelevant as the Pony Express. Maybe retro is your thing, and the phone is part of your brand. But if you want to appear to be the least bit cool, relevant or in-the-know, a phone call leaves a bad impression.

You may disagree with me. If you do, please leave me a comment telling me why. If you agree with me, leave me a comment telling me how awesome I am. Don’t you dare call me to talk about this post, though.

If you could sit down at your computer and create the perfect woman, what would she be like?

(Admit it. You loved Weird Science.)

I’m not a teenage computer geek, but I do have some interest in helping women be their best. In fact, it’s kind of an obsession lately. I’m starting a business aimed at helping women, I’m part of a few groups that focus on empowering women, and a big part of my trip to L.A. was for a meeting about a potential new opportunity for fabulous gals.

But frankly, I’m kind of disappointed in the fairer sex lately. Sure, this disappointment is part of what has spurred me on in my endeavors. But it’s also disheartening. I see so many women who, for lack of a better term, are doing it wrong.

Look, I know I’m not perfect. I do stupid stuff on a daily basis. But I still would like to share my thoughts on what the perfect woman would be like.

• She’d be confident. She would know her strengths, and she’d be willing to let the world know about them, too. No hiding her light under a bushel! She would always be fearless enough to stand up and say “Check me out, because I rock.”
• She’d be humble. While she may know her strengths, she would never unnecessarily brag about them, and she would never make anyone feel inferior for not being as strong as she.
• She’d be willing to share. She would always think of giving before she thought of taking. She’d share her knowledge, her experiences and her feelings.
• She’d would realize that taking care of herself is a top priority. Her own health, well-being and happiness would most often come first. While she would realize that, at times, her family or job might temporarily demand her all, she would never give her life away completely. She would know that the best thing she can do for those around her is take care of herself, first.
• She would never have her child or her pet be her avatar. Caveat: Unless her child or her pet is her brand/business. She would have an identity and a purpose that had nothing to do with anyone but her. And she’d never be afraid to have her face, her identity, front and center.
• She would never clamor for attention. She wouldn’t wave her hands in the air, yelling “Pick me, pick me!” While she would certainly try to seize every opportunity for which she thought she was a good fit, she would never be blatantly obvious in her attempt to seize. She’d know that fighting to be noticed, or begging for freebies, or pleading for money is simply unattractive.
• She would always put her best foot forward. Her wardrobe would be appropriate. She would be tastefully groomed. She would be awake, alert and informed. She would know her audience, and she would always tailor her approach to said audience.
• She would always listen. She would pay very careful attention to what she’s told. She would read and re-read when presented with instructions. She would ask for clarification when needed. She would not answer when she did not have the answer, or when her answer wasn’t needed.
• She would be thick-skinned when it comes to herself. So what if someone criticizes her? It’s constructive, right? Who cares if people talk about her behind her back? At least they’re talking! She won’t take to much to heart, because her heart is protected by her own confidence.
• She would be sensitive when it comes to others. She would understand that many others are not where she is, and that their shell may be much more fragile. Therefore, she would never do anything to intentionally hurt others. Instead, she would recognize when others are weak, and she would swaddle and comfort them in her strong arms.
• She would always be honest. She would be honest about who she is. She would be honest about who she once was. She would be honest about how she felt. She would be honest with others. And most importantly, she would be honest about herself.
• She would always be willing to learn. She would know that she is not always an expert, and she’d be eager to learn more about the areas in which she lacked mastery. And she would know that even if, by hard work, she had mastered a subject, there are plenty of other people who can still add to her knowledge. Or that there are plenty of other subjects she should be clamoring to master.
• She would always follow her dreams. First, she would take the time to know her dreams. She’d listen to her inner child. She’d pay attention to her longings. She’d even go to therapy if that’s what it took. Then, once she’d figured out what was right for her at that moment, she’d reach for it with all her might. No lazy boyfriend or passive-aggressive friend or doubtful boss would ever take the carpe out of her diem. Her awesome self would go for it with all her might.
• She would never regret. She wouldn’t, because she would never have to. Everything she did, every decision she made, would have happened with full knowledge and power. It would have, at the time, been the most perfect choice. And therefore, even if later she discovered that a different path could have led to different outcomes, she would be secure knowing that the path she did take was a wonderful one.

Yep, I’ve screwed up every one of these at some point. And I know that no one can be perfect. That would be incredibly boring. And I’m sure I’ve left some things off my list. (What would you add, by the way?) But let’s at least try these, shall we? If we, as women, can even do half of these right, well, there’s no telling what we can do!

P.S. I have to give a lot of credit to Kadi and Lisa and Amelia for helping inspire this post. Plus loads of other women who I am so very blessed to have in my life. Not because they do it wrong, but because they do it right.