You Can’t Escape The Holidays

Last December, the boys and I were over at Kyran’s house, helping her put up Christmas decorations.

To be honest, it was more like my kids were running around raising holy hell while her kids played nicely, and I sat on the couch and drank hot toddies while I watched her try to string lights on the tree, all the while never raising a finger to either control my children or help her deck the halls, but at least getting up to make more drinks from time to time.

Every task goes more smoothly with a supervisor and moral support, right?

Long story short, at one point, we decided that it was necessary to corral the main hell raiser, AKA Finn, of course. And this is what we came up with:

I know I know I know. This is probably illegal in most states. But a) we live in Arkansas and b) if you can’t get festive with your punishments at the holidays, then when can you? Even time out can be fun when you throw enough bling at it, right?

Anyhoo, he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he stayed in this position for quite a while, staring at the TV, fully engrossed in one of the Indiana Jones movies. He stood there long enough for Kyran to snap a few pics, too.

Fast forward a week or so to the Awkward Family Photos Little Fockers Holiday Photo Contest. Of course I had to submit this picture. Because if you’re going to birth and raise a child, and be expected to make him chicken nuggets on demand, the least you should be able to do is exploit him for laughs and/or prizes from time to time.

So he was chosen as a finalist, and although he didn’t get the most votes necessary to win the contest, he must have at least been a staff favorite, because a few weeks later, I was contacted to see if AFP could buy the rights to this pic. I consulted with Kyran, we signed the paperwork, and we suddenly found ourselves rich enough for an extra Starbucks run that week.

Fast forward a few months to a mysterious package at my front door. Lo and behold, it was an AFP board game, with none other than Little Lite Brite featured on the game board! We got a good chuckle over that.

Now fast forward to yesterday. I get a tweet from my friend Kelli. She was at Target, and she was looking at something very interesting:

THAT’S MY BABY! ON A RACK!

Apparently AFP has a Christmas card line, and, rightfully so, they chose my precious, yet tortured, child and Kyran’s mad photography skills to be the perfect representation of their brand. Those AFP folks are both awkward and genius, I guess. The inside of the card reads:

There’s no escaping the holidays. Merry Christmas.

I never send out Christmas cards, but I may have to make an exception this year.

I don’t know where these are being sold (other than Target) and what markets they are in, but even if they only placed one token card in Little Rock just to please me, it’s all good. If you see more of them anywhere, though, I’d LOVE to hear about it!

And yes it’s true — you can’t escape the holidays. And it looks like for Finn, there may be no escaping this picture for the rest of his life.

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